Billy Beane: collector of first basemen

By Jason Wojciechowski on September 27, 2011 at 1:20 PM

The A's have acquired Kila Ka'aihue from the Royals. The jokes on Twitter abound: Brad Pitt, "new market inefficiency," "old market inefficiency," etc. It appears that no one has made a "Billy Beane thinks first basemen are Pokemon and wants to collect them all" joke yet, though, so here:

Daric Barton is Parasect: good at defense, surprisingly good attack despite a lack of power and speed. Parasect's "metamorphosis has been stunted and it instead resembles a grotesque, exaggerated version of its former self" -- Barton was never supposed to have this freakish a walk rate or this little power. The Barton that exists now is an exaggerated version of his minor-league self.
Chris Carter is Machamp: excellent power results in a good offense, but not worth much in any other dimension. Machamp and Carter both have "bad dexterity, and cannot handle delicate work without [their] arms getting tangled."
Brandon Allen is Cacnea: perhaps a bit less power than Machamp, also not so much with the speed and athletic ability, but "well adapted to the harsh desert environment." It is questionable whether Cacnea/Allen can thrive in a less arid atmosphere such as that found in Oakland.
Kila Ka'aihue is Gible: formerly from the tropics, Gible like to "hide in their holes and wait for prey to pass by." Substitute "fastballs" for "prey" and note that Gible's attack is a lot better-regarded than its defense.