A's Nicknames: 2012

By Jason Wojciechowski on April 2, 2012 at 6:55 PM

Last year, I did a post on what various A's players should have as their nicknames. The intent was to avoid the nonsense of Kurt Suzuki being called "Zuk" (I don't care what his chest protector says), Adam Rosales being "Rosie," and so forth. So uncreative. Unfortunately (or fortunately, perhaps, given that the 2011 A's didn't win very much), there was a lot of turnover on the roster this winter. This means that a lot of players are tragically unnicknamed.

The leftovers:

  • Brett "Li'l Debbie" Anderson
  • Dallas Braden: I suggested "209" last year, but that's pretty lame. His name is Dallas. That's plenty
  • Fautino "The Mormon" De Los Santos
  • "Sir" Cliff Pennington: (works even better when he's bearded)
  • Coco Crisp comes pre-nicknamed

Ken Arneson on Twitter has run with the concept of "overly sweet breakfast foods" for various A's outfielders, and I am wholeheartedly in favor of this. The names that I believe have been settled on by the Twitterati:

  • Yoenis "Pop Tarts" Cespedes
  • Jonny "Bear Claw" Gomes (my favorite, but I'm biased)
  • Josh "Donuts" Reddick

You see how Coco Crisp fits here. Last I heard, Seth Smith and Collin Cowgill were, in Ken's word, unbreakfasted. I think Cowgill's going to have to earn his way into more permanent playing time before we start nicknaming him, though, so let's just stick with Smith. Here, I think we have some options.

  • Seth "Apple Fritter" Smith
  • Seth "Belgian Waffle" Smith
  • Seth "Strawberry Syrup" Smith

The rest of the roster for whom I have suggestions:

  • Jemile "Baby Boy" Weeks1
  • Brandon "Windmills" Allen
  • Eric "Accio Glove" Sogard
  • Anthony "Home" Recker2
  • Kila "The Ploddin' Hawaiian" Ka'aihue
  • Tommy "Sam" Milone3
  • Grant "$#%&" Balfour

I'm not going to tell you what I call Brian Fuentes because this is a family site.

UPDATE! Chadd is 100% correct and I am ashamed to have missed/forgotten this.

UPDATE 2! I particularly enjoy Roman's name for Weeks, and I considered "Mayday" for Milone -- it's probably the better choice. All four are quality.

  1. This comes from the creepy lady at FanFest who called Weeks "my baby boy" during a Q&A. Jemile is not her son. 

  2. Gotta have one Bermanism, right? 

  3. I have no idea if "Milone" is pronounced the same as "Malone," and naming him after a Cheers character with the most generic name ever is stupid, but it's all I got.